Think you hate your job? Take a look at some of these cringe-inducing careers and revolting roles, as we explore the worst jobs in the UK capital.
Signholder
Whether it’s advertising a pro-golf sale or discount phone cards, we’ve all seen these sad characters standing on street corners holding their sandwich board or arrow-shaped sign whatever the weather.
If you’re not a fan of standing still, then steer well clear of this one, as sitting is off limits, and you won’t get a lunch break despite the long hours! These human billboards get paid well below minimum wage, but on the plus side, they do get to discreetly eye up the more attractive passers-by. And at least it’s one step up from having to wear a humiliating costume!
Buckingham Palace Guard
Again, if standing still is not your thing, this job is not for you, as it involves remaining motionless and impassive for hours on end, ignoring the tourists and jokers posing next to you and poking fun.
Considered one of the worst jobs in the British army, part of the role involves spending hours making sure your uniform is pressed and your boots are shining, as if they’re not up to scratch, you’ll face some serious punishment! Why not drop by and see them for yourself next time you’re on a London break? Just remember to be nice and don’t antagonise them!
London Sewer Flusher
Armed with a shovel and a powerful jet, you’ll need to be prepared to get your hands dirty for this one. Water companies spend up to £12 million a year contracting sewer flushers to clean out blockages across the capital. In 2010, flushers were called in to remove 1,000 tonnes of putrefied fat from beneath Leicester Square — that’s enough muck to fill 9 double-decker buses! But don’t worry, breathing apparatus is supplied, and although the work is pretty grim, the pay is actually rather good.
Statue Scrubber
If you like working outdoors, you can always get a job cleaning pigeon droppings from London landmarks. Despite many attempts at preventative measures, the poo will prevail, and it can’t simply be left as it corrodes away the metal. So with liquid soap and wax polish, the statue scrubbers remove these unsightly stains from the capital’s statues. Sadly, getting pooed on is an occupational hazard, but on the plus side, you’re never short of work!
London Underground Fluffer
If you don’t like enclosed spaces, you’re in for a rough night, as this job entails clearing dust and debris from the Underground tunnels. The trains passing through bring all sorts of filth and rubbish into the network of subway shafts, which must be removed in order to prevent fires breaking out. All work is done at night when the trains have stopped and the tracks are switched off, so there’s no real danger of death, but elbow-deep in grime and breathing in all that stale air, it’s a dirty job indeed. Thankfully these days teams of track-fluffers are supported by automated cleaning ‘trains’.
Theme Park Vomit Cleaner
If you’re even a little bit squeamish, forget it! This job is for applicants with strong stomachs only. These poor guys are in charge of keeping the gut-wrenching rollercoasters vomit-free, and are employed during periods when riders are likely to eat more, such as during the Easter holidays. Their main purpose is to prevent ‘sick shutdowns’ that prevent the rides from running, as queasy riders reportedly extrude up to 150 litres of spew per year. There’ll never be a dull moment, but at least you get to ride the rollercoasters for free!
Traffic Warden
How do you fancy being one of the most hated people in Britain? With gruelling 12-hour shifts, all of which are spent on your feet in the worst of the UK weather, plus daily verbal, and in some cases physical abuse, you’ll need to be more than a little thick-skinned. On the plus side, you get to meet lots of people, even if some of them will be shouting at you in the street.
Street Fundraiser
Hatefully dubbed ‘charity muggers’ these poor souls have more than a bit of bad press, often criticised for their aggressive approach in soliciting donations. However, imagine having to be chirpy and cheerful all day in order to approach hundreds of grumpy Londoners who would prefer to cross the street rather than talk to you. Add to that the spirit-crushing amount of rejection and abuse you’ll receive on a daily basis, and that pitiful commission-based wage will start to look less and less appealing. And needless to say this will be made all the more miserable if it’s pouring with rain — all in all, probably not your ideal career choice.
This post was brought to you by Show and Stay.
Robert Schrader is a travel writer and photographer who’s been roaming the world independently since 2005, writing for publications such as “CNNGo” and “Shanghaiist” along the way. His blog, Leave Your Daily Hell, provides a mix of travel advice, destination guides and personal essays covering the more esoteric aspects of life as a traveler.
