Being a funny stand-up comedian is not the same as being funny on Twitter. Here are some great comedians who are funny on Twitter, yes in just 140 characters.
30. Jen Kirkman – @JenKirkman
Twitter Bio: Comedian, writer, actor. Seen on Chelsea Lately, Drunk History, Conan, Acceptable TV, Home Movies & more. I’m also Southie from the Pod F. Tompkast podcast.
Followers: 50k
Best Recent Tweet: People say they want to be with someone so they won’t “die alone” but that leaves a 50/50 chance YOU will wake up next to a corpse someday.
Runner-Up: Well, sleep was good from 1:30-2:15. If that’s what God wants, I guess he/she knows what he/she’s doing. Look at the wars. Those make sense.
29. Mike Birbiglia – @birbigs
Twitter Bio: Comedian & other stuff. I have a new Sleepwalk with Me Live Cd now on itunes. What do I do for fun? This.
Followers: 85k
Best Recent Tweet: The only reason I was in “Going the Distance” is that I AM a waiter at that restaurant.
Runner-Up: Being late is really just based on the fear of being early. Or on time. Or showing up at all.
28. Aziz Ansari – @azizansari
Twitter Bio: I’m an actor/comedian. I play Tom on Parks and Recreation on NBC. I also like food a lot.
Followers: 1.1 million
Best Recent Tweet: “My heart feels like a Krispy Kreme doughnut without her in my life.” – #HoleintheMiddle #FatsoWithaBrokenHeart
Runner-Up: “Sorry I was 15 min late, I was YouTubing clips from Demolition Man for no reason.” #IfIWereHonestAboutWhyIWasLateforStuff
27. Ruth Buzzi – @Ruth_A_Buzzi
Twitter Bio: Retired comedic actress caring deeply about life, love, animals and hopefully dispensing powerful medicine for a troubled world – laughter.
Followers: 13k
Best Recent Tweet: #AskAuntRuthie Do you have any advice for us today, Aunt Ruthie? Answer: Just this: Never have a heart attack while playing Charades.
Runner-Up: Now that the United States’s credit rating is downgraded, why don’t we just steal some other country’s identity?
26. Jerry Seinfeld – @JerrySeinfeld
Twitter Bio: http://jerryseinfeld.com
Followers: 272k
Best Recent Tweet: I’m sure with this heat Al Gore’s walking around with a smug smile.
Runner-Up: Comedy is just complaining in an entertaining way. Enterplaining.
25. Todd Barry – @toddbarry
Twitter Bio: Watch. Email list Next shows: Edinburgh, Boston, Los Angeles, Collinsville, CT.
Followers: 130k
Best Recent Tweet: To Dad in Cheerios ad: you know what your son meant when he asked “is there a prize in there?” Give him a straight answer.
Runner-Up: “I’m sorry I didn’t text back, but I’m Abraham Lincoln. Yes, the president from a long time ago.” #FamousLies
24. Megan Amram – @meganamram
Twitter Bio: it’s this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that’s ‘in’ right now. – my mom
Followers: 71k
Best Recent Tweet: Long distance relationships are tough. I mean, how do they seriously expect me to stay at least 500 yards away from my ex at all times??
Runner-Up: If I were a shepherd, I would never take inventory of my flock for fear of falling asleep on the job.
23. Lauren Ashley Bishop – @sbellelauren
Twitter Bio: i’m a comedian from arkansas. i live in LA. but i comede all over. witstream.com please & thank you
Followers: 10k
Best Recent Tweet: weird tiger usually doesn’t have this much trouble getting his balls near a hole
Runner-Up: i bet jellyfish tastes good with peanut butterfish
22. Pete Holmes – @peteholmez
Twitter Bio: Comedian Pete Holmes. @peteholmes is an organic gardener.
Followers: 10k
Best Recent Tweet: I love the perplexed, sweaty look on a hefty guy’s face in McDonald’s as he tries to figure out if 1/3 is bigger than 1/4.
Runner-Up: You know the sound the Better Than Ezra guy makes before he sings “it was good living with you”? That’s how I call my cat. #awhaw
21. Mindy Kaling – @mindykaling
Twitter Bio: writer/performer/shopper
Followers: 1.4 million
Best Recent Tweet: Someone finally decide the one female comedian who is the next Lucille Ball! You know, the way there is only one male heir to Peter Sellers!
Runner-Up: If you think about it, we’re all the protagonists in our own Final Destination movies.
20. Jimmy Fallon – @jimmyfallon
Twitter Bio: astrophysicist
Followers: 4 million
Best Recent Tweet: BlackBerry laid off 11% of its workers. You can tell its bad cuz the CEO’s announcement ended w/ the line “Sent from my iPhone.” #FallonMono
Runner-Up: Shark Week Fact #4: Sharks have acute sensors that can detect smell and taste. They also have a powerful gaydar. #sharkfacts
19. Seth Myers – @sethmeyers21
Followers: 751k
Best Recent Tweet: Moody’s just downgraded US to “Beyond Thunderdome.”
Runner-Up: Well, I think I’ve perfected my Pawlenty impression! Can’t wait for the new season to start!
18. Kristen Schall – @kristenschaaled
Twitter Bio: Comedian, actress, writer.
Followers: 136k
Best Recent Tweet: Hey Bed Bath & Beyond, don’t call them “throw pillows” then act like I did something wrong in your store.
Runner-Up: To get my voice I eat fairies for breakfast. And Bjork blows into my face all night long.
17. Rainn Wilson – @rainnwilson
Twitter Bio: I am an actor and a writer and I co-created SoulPancake and my son, Walter.
Followers: 2.4 million
Best Recent Tweet: Invention: Sporklift. Machine for picking up large quantities of both liquids & solids.
Runner-Up: I’ve teamed up with @RalphLauren for my new fragrance, ‘Brocciflower.’ Smells of Broccoli, Cauliflower & freedom. And urine.
16. Donald Glover – @DonaldGlover
Twitter Bio: Donald/Childish Gambino.
Followers: 315k
Best Recent Tweet: The trending topics on twitter always look like the titles to movies in the Blockbuster dollar bin.
Runner-Up: Glad they gave Papa Smurf shades in the “Smurfs” movie poster. It really gets across the “this isn’t your grandma’s Smurfs!” sass I wanted.
15. Ben Schwartz – @rejectedjokes
Twitter Bio: Jean-Ralphio on Parks and Rec, Clyde Oberholt on House of Lies, Bill Hoyt on UnderCovers, Performer at the UCB Theatre, Calvin and Hobbes enthusiast.
Followers: 47k
Best Recent Tweet: When you type “whoa” to me in an email, please specify wether I should read it like Keanu reeves or Joey Lawrence.
Runner-Up: “Luck be a lady tonight.” – A guy that’s been fooled by a transvestite before
14. Conan O’Brien – @conanobrien
Twitter Bio: The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Followers: 3.6 million
Best Recent Tweet: Newsweek apologized to Michele Bachmann for making her look crazy. Can’t wait to see this week’s cover with Gary Busey.
Runner-Up: Turns out, “Cowboys & Aliens” is NOT about Arizona’s immigration laws.
13. Patton Oswalt – @pattonoswalt
Twitter Bio: Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.
Followers: 448k
Best Recent Tweet: Friend just raved to me about FINALDESTINATION 5: “The deaths are amazing.” Wish he’d been talking about THE SMURFS.
Runner-Up: The head of Scotland Yard, 10 minutes ago: “Send in Statham. SEND IN STATHAM!”
12. Jim Gaffigan – @jimgaffigan
Twitter Bio: Husband to hot wife, father of 4, comedian, actor, writer, former sleeper
Followers: 667k
Best Recent Tweet: It’s hard to take an airline seriously when the boarding pass looks like a McDonald’s receipt.
Runner-Up: Dear radio stations, instead of 40 minutes of commercial free music, how about 5 minutes of good music?
11. Paul F Tompkins – @PFTompkins
Twitter Bio: Hubris!
Followers: 178k
Best Recent Tweet: So it turns out those Corona ads are about drunks who get so obliterated on the street in broad daylight they think they’re on a beach.
Runner-Up: “EVERY week is shark week.” – An exasperated seal.
10. Sarah Silverman –@SarahKSilverman
Twitter Bio: I am a monkey
Followers: 2 million
Best Recent Tweet: Twice a day I look at the clock and go, “Hey! 9:11!” then I remember to get really really sad
Runner-Up: Like all animals, humans adapt to their surroundings. Like how homeless people’s feet turn into moccasins
9. Rob Huebel – @robhuelbel
Twitter Bio: I give medicinal cocaine to baby animals
Followers: 260k
Best Recent Tweet: Sometimes I wish my Dad was as understanding as Dexter’s dad.
Runner-Up: Sometimes I’ll meet the mailman out front and slowly mouth the word, “HELP” like I’m being held hostage inside. Dude doesn’t do shit.
8. Eugene Mirman – @EugeneMirman
Twitter Bio: I am television’s Eugene Mirman. I am very nice and like seafood.
Followers: 135k
Best Recent Tweet: I don’t recall V For Vendeta too clearly, but didn’t it start with riots & then David Cameron limiting use of Twitter?
Runner-Up: I only saw part of an ad, but I think it’s about women smiling until the cold war ends. RT @colsonwhitehead What’s “The Help” about?
7. Steve Martin – @SteveMartinToGo
Twitter Bio: I am Steve Martin, the actor, writer, comedian, and musician. You can find me here and at Stevemartin.com.
Followers: 1.5 million
Best Recent Tweet: Haven’t tweeted lately because I’m really absorbed by this Bounty paper towel.
Runner-Up: Have just been diagnosed with a borderline personality.
6. Michael Ian Black – @michaelianblack
Twitter Bio: Glad to have a friend like you.
Followers: 1.6 million
Best Recent Tweet: Standard & Poor’s just downgraded the London riots to “hijinks.”
Runner-Up: Thanks to everybody for the birthday well-wishes. Screw you @DalaiLama for pretending you “forgot about it.”
5. Kelly Oxford – @kellyoxford
Twitter Bio: Designed to make you feel like everything is going well. I am your Perestroika.
Followers: 185k
Best Recent Tweet: Crazy to think that in some countries Justin Bieber would be killed for not wearing a burka :(
Runner-Up: Women are the first to criticize other women’s bodies and that’s basically why we’re not all lesbians.
4. Julieanne Smolinski – @BoobsRadley
Twitter Bio: Nobody loves a good Dickens joke.
Followers: 41k
Best Recent Tweet: I think a funny riddle to put on a Popsicle stick is “Q: What’s purple and cold and filled with the spit of underpaid Popsicle writers?”
Runner-Up: If I could be invisible for a day, I hope it’s not on one where ABC Family does a “Gilmore Girls” marathon, because well, there goes that.
3. Alec Sulkin – @thesulk
Twitter Bio: Breaker of Swift Mustache Hairs
Followers: 252k
Best Recent Tweet: Why does everyone always blame San Andreas?
Runner-Up: Entertainment Weekly just put Words With Friends on their Must List. How do they stay ahead of the trends like that?!
2. Stephen Colbert – @StephenAtHome
Twitter Bio: http://www.ColbertNation.com
Followers: 2.5 million
Best Recent Tweet: Sesame Street says Bert and Ernie aren’t gay, tho I find it suspicious that the last episode was brought to you by the letters L, G, B, & T.
Runner-Up: God only has a 52% approval rating? Man, he’s got to be kicking himself for creating approval ratings.
1. Tim Siedell – @badbanana
Twitter Bio: Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
Followers: 515k
Best Recent Tweet: Accidentally went to a plastic surgeon for my Tommy John surgery and now I look exactly like Tommy John.
Runner-Up: I have a minor in history, so let me know if I can help you avoid repeating stuff.
This was reposted/republished from PASTE Magazine. See original here.
Renee Blodgett is the founder of We Blog the World. The site combines the magic of an online culture and travel magazine with a global blog network and has contributors from every continent in the world. Having lived in 10 countries and explored nearly 80, she is an avid traveler, and a lover, observer and participant in cultural diversity.
She is also the CEO and founder of Magic Sauce Media, a new media services consultancy focused on viral marketing, social media, branding, events and PR. For over 20 years, she has helped companies from 12 countries get traction in the market. Known for her global and organic approach to product and corporate launches, Renee practices what she pitches and as an active user of social media, she helps clients navigate digital waters from around the world. Renee has been blogging for over 16 years and regularly writes on her personal blog Down the Avenue, Huffington Post, BlogHer, We Blog the World and other sites. She was ranked #12 Social Media Influencer by Forbes Magazine and is listed as a new media influencer and game changer on various sites and books on the new media revolution. In 2013, she was listed as the 6th most influential woman in social media by Forbes Magazine on a Top 20 List.
Her passion for art, storytelling and photography led to the launch of Magic Sauce Photography, which is a visual extension of her writing, the result of which has led to producing six photo books: Galapagos Islands, London, South Africa, Rome, Urbanization and Ecuador.
Renee is also the co-founder of Traveling Geeks, an initiative that brings entrepreneurs, thought leaders, bloggers, creators, curators and influencers to other countries to share and learn from peers, governments, corporations, and the general public in order to educate, share, evaluate, and promote innovative technologies.
