Look. People on Twitter and in the print media seem to be quite agitated today about something I wrote in my Out of My Hat column in the Stanford River Talk this month.It’s about Kate Middleton (yes, she who is about to marry Prince William) cleaning boats for a mate of mine who lives here in the Special Village of Stanford, South Africa.
So why shouldn’t my Hatpeople get the opportunity to read about it here, on your “Diagnosed SA-positive” blog? Here you are. Enjoy…
Yes, Kate Middleton is aboard… but clearly she’s done her bilge-cleaning for the day
You’ve all heard about ‘six degrees of separation’, haven’t you? What? OK then, pay attention. Sssshhh at the back of the class!
Apparently, it refers to the notion that everyone (yes, even you) is, on average, approximately only six steps away from any other person on Earth.
Drink that in. You can take your time. Because it’s one helluva thing, isn’t it? I know of certain women in our village for whom the very thought of being just six steps away from Brad Pitt (or Gerard Butler or Daniel Craig or whoever is the ‘hottie du jour’) would have them tottering into Oom Steyn’s for a spine-stiffener.
But it’s not about six actual steps, people. It’s about a ‘human web’ theory that ‘a friend of a friend’ chain (linked six times) can connect any two people on our planet.
So, yes, somebody who knows you will know somebody who will know somebody who will know somebody who will know somebody who knows Brad Pitt. Better get busy, girls!
OK. So here’s my claim to fame. I know somebody who knows the future Queen of England. That’s just two steps in the ‘six degrees of separation’ theory. Impressed? I am.
I’m not one to drop names but the middleman in my joyous connection with the future Queen is Cal Tomlinson. Yes, the Cal Tomlinson, he of Stanford.
It gets better. Kate Middleton, soon to become Princess Catherine when she snags Prince Wills at Westminster Abbey on April 29, used to scrub bilges for Cal.
Hoe die donner het dit gebeur, vra jy? Well, our Cal used to be quite the big salty seadog in British yachting circles. I’m no yachtie but suffice to say that our man skippered boats as big as Stanford holiday homes around oceans a bit larger than our nearby lagoon.
He was also in charge of training volunteers at Chad Blyth’s sailing academy. Please know that Chad Blyth (now Sir Chad) was the bloke who sailed singlehandedly around the world in 1971. The wrong way. That is he sailed against the prevailing winds and currents. Quite the boykie, hey?
So, there’s Cal showing the ropes to aspirant sailors at Sir Chad’s Challenge Business corporate days and next thing a bright young thing straight out of school is put under his watch. Kate Middleton.
‘Silver spoon or not, Kate wasn’t afraid of hard work,’ says Cal. ‘She used to get stuck in and do the dirty work like scrubbing the bilge and she enjoyed a drink or two after our work was done for the day.’
He recalls having to deal with a lovestruck colleague who was infatuated with the comely Miss Middleton. ‘I had to take him aside and tell him that he was wasting his time. Kate was clearly headed for bigger things.’
That ‘bigger thing’ was Prince William. ‘She told us she was going to St Andrews University and hinted that capturing a prince might be part of her syllabus,’ says Cal.
Mission accomplished, Cal’s former protégé will soon glide down the aisle to get hitched to the world’s most snaggable bachelor, an event to be watched by a good wodge of the planet.
Cal and wife Anna will be watching too. And Cal can be forgiven if he barely recognises the blushing bride as the 18-year-old debutante who got very mucky scrubbing his boats.
* This column first appeared in the April edition of Stanford River Talk, a little village newspaper that punches way above its weight in the print media.
Fred Hatman (AKA Howard Donaldson) knew he wanted to be newspaper journalist at age 13. He has worked as a reporter and sub-editor for the Daily News and Cape Times, both based in South Africa and Wimbledon News, Today, London Daily News, The Guardian, The Daily Telegraph and the Daily Mirror, all based in London .
