I get the opportunity to stay in some pretty great luxury properties from time to time. While the experience has many perks — high thread counts, deep plunge tubs and plush robes you want to wear as clothing — there are many odd and sometimes frustrating things I have noticed about luxury hotels. Some of these include:
The More You Pay, The Less You Get
Staying at small family or boutique hotels, there always seems to be free WiFi, breakfast, movies and activities. Get to a luxury hotel, however, and you’ll be lucky if they give you a free handshake. I stayed in a 5-star hotel recently that wanted to charge me $40 per day for WiFi! At the breakfast buffet, which was already very expensive, they had these all-natural energy juice shots that I thought were included. When the bill came, however, I got a very unpleasant surprise. Yes, in luxury hotels you’re getting more in terms of comfort and style, but aren’t you already paying for that in the $500+ per night room charge? I’ve definitely noticed a trend that the more you pay for something, the less you get in terms of nice extras.
Why Is It So Hard To Find The Lights?
Unlike smaller and less expensive hotels that have one simple switch and sometimes a lamp, luxury hotels seem to have about 20 different switches hidden all over the room — often times in the oddest places and in an illogical fashion. The light near the window is turned on by the door, while the bathroom light turns on by flicking the switch up, the bedroom light turns on by flicking the switch down. I recently stayed in a luxury hotel where I spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to turn the desk lamp on before realizing I had to flick a switch near the bathroom before it would work. It’s like a haunted house of strobe lights as you’re frantically flicking switches trying to figure out what goes to what.
Even With 80 Light Switches It’s Always Dark
Once you figure out the myriad light switches, you still always feel like there’s one missing because it’s never quite bright enough. It’s like mood lighting 24/7. This is great if you’re having sexy time but not so great if you’re trying to get work done or, you know, get dressed.
Why Won’t The Shower Close?
Instead of just having a normal shower with two faucets — one for hot, one for cold — and a door that closes for some privacy, luxury hotels tend to have a kind of half-open door thing going on or no door at all. Not only that, but when there are more than two faucets as well as buttons, levers and pulleys it can get very confusing for those who simply want a hot shower.
I Don’t Want To See Myself Naked Every 5 Minutes
Continuing with the shower rant, luxury hotels seem to be under the impression guests want to be able to watch themselves showering. Again, this can be fun during sexy time, but when I’m showering alone I instinctively close my eyes every time I see the mirror (no need to see how all that local food sampling has affected my body, I already know). There also always seems to be a ridiculous amount of mirrors in general in the room, which I always notice as I’m changing. In one luxury hotel I stayed at there was a mirror in every corner (there was no escape!). There was even an unavoidable magnifying mirror in the bathroom that showed me all the sun damage and clogged pores I had endured during my trip. I immediately put a towel over it, never looking into its evil face again.
Note: I’m aware every hotel features its own unique decor, and that not all luxury hotels feature the above trends. That being said, these are things I have noticed in many of the luxury hotels I have experienced.
Top Photo courtesy of likeablerodent.